Dear Brides…

What has your journey been like so far as a bride? This post is varying a bit from hair. I feel like I need to show my fellow brides out there that I understand what you’re going through. This should be a joyous time in your life and I’m sure you’re having a blast picking out bridal hair styles or picking out your dress, etc. But for some of you, this time has been a struggle and I’m here to acknowledge and give voice to those feelings. It’s ok if this has not been a happy time or if you can’t wait for it to all be over. It’s also ok if you decide to ditch your plans and go to city hall to get married because the outside influences are too much. I’m touching on just a few issues you face from the time you get engaged until the time you say your wedding vows to your beloved.

Family

I believe that most families mean well and just want the best for the bride. Sometimes, that crosses the line from being helpful to overstepping boundaries. Relatives can consciously/subconsciously force or guilt you into doing something for your wedding day that you really don’t want to do. I’ve heard and seen a lot from my brides and I genuinely feel for them when I see or hear this happen. You want to make your mom happy but you don’t want to invite her friends that you don’t know or don’t have a deep connection with. You may initially desire to have an elopement or intimate wedding, but when you share that with family, they can make you feel like you will miss out if you don’t have a traditional wedding or some aspects of a traditional wedding for your special day. They want to be in charge included. It sucks because you don’t want to hurt them by telling them no, but you also don’t want to be fake with yourself and do things you’ll later regret. Family has to respect you and your decisions. Period. They can say what they want about your choices but at the end of the day, they need to respect them. Just like they will have to respect your new union with your spouse.

Planning

During this planning time, you will inevitably run across something that may throw your plans off track. Even with a wedding planner, things happen outside of our control. The photographer that you initially clicked with and love their work may turn out flaky and unprofessional six months out from your special day. Your makeup artist ghosts you less than a month before the wedding. Keeping up with all the vendors, contracts, timelines, logistics, etc will be overwhelming at certain points but especially more so as you get closer to your wedding day. It wasn’t until I became engaged and experienced for myself what some of my brides go through that I could truly understand the struggles of planning and the mixture of emotions they felt. All you can do is work to accept the things that go left and try to make peace with it. Allow yourself to be upset, disappointed, sad, hurt, or angry about it.

Fiance

Things tend to shift a bit in your relationship once you become engaged. It’s different in a way that I don’t quite know how to articulate. But I see it. You have to learn how to adjust to this change with your significant other while still dealing with family, planning your special day and showing up to your everyday job that pays you. It’s a lot to handle. You have also probably determined by this point that your fiancé is either really helpful and involved in the planning with you or they are hands off and not as engaged as you would like. You both may have different views of how to get married that you didn’t realize until becoming engaged. Not only do they want something completely different, they are not lifting a finger to find a vendor to help put it together. Or they forgot to do the one task you asked them to help with. How do you marry your future spouse without losing it? Exhaling… How frustrated have you felt during this time? They mean well, they really do. But they can’t be on the sidelines in this, unless that’s what you both want. How you both work together through this time is how you will work together in the future with harder tasks like parenting, buying a home, building a nest egg together, etc. You both have to back each other up against family, outside influences, etc that are most definitely coming at you. You’re at the beginning of becoming a unit. Talk to your future wife or husband and tell them how you feel about whatever is bothering you. Seek counseling to help you both learn how to communicate better with each other and work as a team. It’s vital so that you don’t end up feeling resentful towards them before you get to your wedding day.

Budget

Who knew that weddings or elopements could be so wildly above the price we held in our minds? You see some simple flowers in a vase on Pinterest that you like and when you look it up, it’s $45,867,565 before tax! Why??!!! You just want a nice day with nice things but don’t want to spend as much as it seems is required to pull it off, nor do you want to do the DIY route, even if you are crafty. Going into debt should never be an option, though it is for many of you. You want everyone to have a good time and be comfortable in a nice setting, which ends up costing you. Reddit has become a go to for many brides to find ways to save on their weddings. Just be prepared to research and read the comments to get to what you specifically need. The comments is also where the tea is!! ; ) Allowing your family to “donate” towards your wedding funds can become a double edged sword because you get to have the flowers you want but on the flip side, you now have to wear this yellow gold tiara your family member is insisting you wear that has been in the family for generations, that doesn’t go with your white and black monochromatic wedding theme. I’m exhaling again for you.

Your Own Feelings About Getting Married

In the midst of all your planning excitement, have you had time to process your feelings and thoughts about becoming a bride and subsequently a wife? Are you nervous? Do you feel ready? Like really ready? We can’t be 100% ready every time it’s time to make a decision but in your gut, do you feel ready? Marriage is so serious and has ups and downs. It’s ok to be excited and a bit apprehensive. We as people seem to think we can only feel one thought at a time or that we can’t have conflicting thoughts simultaneously. You can feel happy about taking this next step towards being further committed to your partner, while also sad about the loss of independence you will experience. You can love the idea of seeing your partner everyday but wonder how to have quiet/alone time. What do you want this next chapter of your life to look like? Yes, you will be with someone else and making decisions together, but you do not cease to exist as a person. You and your feelings still matter. What brings you joy in life still matters. Take time to feel your thoughts. Sit with this and talk about it with someone you trust or journal about it.

Final Thoughts

You walk a tight line being a bride. Juggling planning tasks, putting out fires with families, managing expectations of your own or others, while maintaining a smile so you’re not labeled bridezilla is a tough journey at times. This is going to be a time in your life where you will have to develop a voice and become comfortable with saying what needs to be said. I feel like all brides have to reach this point. If you don’t voice your feelings/thoughts now, they will manifest in a different way in your married life, like you becoming snappy with your fiancé, ignoring phone calls from your mom, impulsively spending, etc. You are stepping into a new chapter in your life that will require you to break free from some old ways of doing things. You can do this. Your future self will thank you. If you made it this far, thank you for reading my thoughts! If any of this resonated with you, please let me know. I am here for you.